Never On The Day You Leave
by 88Ashley88
Summary: You'll hear an old familiar sound and hope it's her when you turn around. But never, never on the day you leave. A Linstead One Shot


**Hi Guys!**

 **I know I haven't really written anything in awhile, but that's because I'm so incredibly disappointed with Chicago PD and Linstead.**

 **I don't really know where to begin this, but this story has been floating around in my mind since the news of Sophia's departure from Chicago P.D.**

 **I just can't accept the fact that her story is ends that way...I can't accept the fact that Linstead ended that way.**

 **So, I wrote my own ending for them.**

 **Because even this kind of closure would've been better than nothing.**

 **I don't own anything or anyone that concerns The One Chicago Franchise**

 **00000000000000000**

The thunderstorm poured down on the city of Chicago, casting everything in darkness and making visibility almost nothing as the city was crushed to a standstill.

Sliding across the room, Jay desperately searched for his partner. Hearing a gunshot; Jay rushed towards the old empty offices in search of her. They had had a tip from an anonymous caller stating that their suspect was hiding in the old abandoned offices on the outskirt of Chicago. Waiting for a green light from Hank, Jay drove to the offices right after the call was over, much to Erin's surprise.

Once they'd entered the building, they'd became separated by the two perps. Jay had struggled in a fight taking down the first one with a fatal shot while Erin took off after the second and that's when Jay heard the gunshots.

He called her several times. Not hearing a sound from her, his internal feeling started to panic.

"Erin" he screamed as he ran through the place, rapidly glancing at all direction. He placed his gun out, ready to fire if he was met with an enemy.

Hearing a low groan coming from under an old office desk, he pushed the object aside.

He gulped at the sight. "Erin" was the only think that had left his lips.

A pool of blood had formed on the blouse she wore. Not caring about the exposed skin, he rapidly opened her blouse and looked for the source of the blood. A gun wound on the right side of her chest, was visible. Jay tried to wipe as much blood as he could, without causing further injury.

"You're going to be okay" he reassured her. "This is nothing"

Her eyes fixed on his.

"Jay—the suspect got away—I, I didn't see him..."

"Don't worry about it. They'll find him" his voice came out as a whisper as the sound liaised with his emotions.

He reached for his radio only to realize that he'd lost it in the take down on the first perp.

The static of Erin's radio cut in the silence and Jay reached for it as the broken up sound of Ruzek's voice came through.

"Erin...wh...are...you?" Ruzek's scrambled voice asked.

Jay grabbed Erin's radio and pulled it up to his mouth and answered back "Adam, Erin's been shot. We need an ambo NOW"

"We're rolling one out now. We're 5 minutes ETA, Jay. There are lines and trees down all over man" Ruzek answered as the radio became more clear as his patrol car got closer to the office building.

"Hurry!" Jay pleaded.

Erin's eyes came out of focus, as she slipped in and out of conscience. Jay gently shook her body; trying to keep her awake.

"Er please stay awake for me" he pleaded. "Please"

"It hurts Jay" she whispered. Her eyes closed, a single tear escaped her eyes.

Jay clutched on to her and allowed a tear to stream down his cheek. "Help will be here soon, stay with me Er. Come on damn it where did the strong woman go? I know she's there. You just gotta stay with me a little longer, Erin. You're too stubborn to quit. So don't" he somewhat ordered.

Her still body started to tremble. Her eyes closed. "I can't Jay...I'm dying" she gulped.

Jay's tears were now freely falling, he didn't care, if anyone saw him right now, all he cared was for the wounded woman in his arms.

She weakly reached for hand, he took her blood covered hand in his and held it.

"You're not dying. We don't end like this. You and I? No...this isn't our ending. This is supposed to be our beginning, Erin. We're supposed to be together. I know that and you know that. We're supposed get married. We're going to have kids. So, you're not going anywhere. Not yet. Not until we're grey and old and living in Wisconsin" Jay pleaded as he pressed down on Erin's gunshot wound with his free hand. In an effort to keep it from bleeding.

"Kids?" Erin's lips turned into a smile.

Jay nodded "Of course. As many as we can afford. We're gonna be happy Erin...You and me...forever"

"I...love...you" Erin's raspy voice whispered.

"I love you, too, Erin" Jay answered. "And I'm so sorry Erin. I'm so sorry I spent these past few months running from you and pushing you away. I'm so sorry about Abby. I should've told you about that and I don't know why I didn't. I was scared...scared that I'd lose the best thing that ever happened to me. I wanted to be perfect for you, and be the rock that you needed. And I realize that my actions only hurt you. And we can't end like that. You can't go anywhere without knowing how much I love you. How much I've always, always loved you"

"I forgive you, Jay" Erin explained. "I promise... I'm... not...mad"

Jay nodded through his own tears as he watched Erin's once vibrant skin turn a light shade of grey and he knew she was slipping away from him.

Jay let go of Erin's hand and grabbed the radio again "Damn it, Ruzek. Where the hell are you guys?"

"Almost there" Ruzek answered.

Jay put the radio down and looked at Erin. "They're almost here. Just hang on a little bit longer"

Erin instead, she just smiled at him, her eyelids slightly parted to gaze at him. "Hold...my...hand"

"Of course" he smiled at her through his teary eyes.

"I love...you" she weakly murmured.

"Oh God! Erin Please" he cried.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

He looked at her and panicked. "No. Stay awake. I want you to talk to me"

"I can't" she said, her voice barely reaching the surface.

"Yes you can!" his desperation was evident in his voice.

"It doesn't hurt anymore" she mumbled, her eyes slowly opening, she saw Jay, but the light behind him is what caught her eye.

It was like the light was pulling her away from him. Nothing hurt anymore. Not her gunshot, not her scars from her mother, or the pain of never knowing her real father. The light she saw was beautiful...peaceful...home.

His hands caressed her cheek. "You can't die on me Er, please. You're all I have that's good in this world. Please don't leave me. We're supposed to be together. Erin...please"

Her chest rose up and down slowly. "I...love...you"

Not knowing what else to do, he kissed her lips and whispered. "I love you Erin"

"Come on! Stay awake, the ambulance will be here soon, I love you—I love you—I love you!" He repeated.

Jay stood and lifted Erin's body in his arms as he started to carry her down to the sound of the ambulance and police cars in the distance

Feeling her grip on him loosing, he glanced down at her and he knew she was gone.

And with her...went every hope, every wish, and every dream he'd ever had.

 **00000000000000000**

Hank watched the doors of the trauma room of Chicago Med waiting for some sort of news on Erin.

When they made it to Erin, she had flatlined and they'd rolled her back to the trauma unit. She'd been surrounded by medical staff and that's the last time Hank saw her.

Right now, he was surrounded by members of the 21st and Firehouse 51. Each one offering him some form of support telling him that everything was going to be OK.

The doors to the waiting room that they'd occupied as their own opened and Dr. Rhodes walked out and removed his surgical cap.

Hank stood as Rhodes walked over to him and Connor stopped as he made it to Hank.

"How is she?" Hank asked as he looked at Dr. Rhodes.

"Hank, when Erin came in, she had already lost a lot of blood, which caused her to go into sudden cardiac arrest. We pushed fluids and worked repeatedly to get her rhythm back...but despite our best medical efforts, we couldn't get her back. I'm so sorry Hank"

Connor reached out and touched Hank's arm as the sound of audible crying filled the room.

"Can...can I see her?" Hank asked as he looked up at Connor.

"Of course" Connor said as he gestured for Hank to follow him.

Hank followed Connor through the Trauma Room doors and down a hallway. They came to a stop at the end of the hallway to a room with swinging doors.

"Take as long as you need" Connor said.

Hank nodded and pressed his hand against the door. He took a deep breath and pushed his way into the room.

Hank had expected there to be noise, static, something...but he was only met with silence...peace.

He saw Erin laying on the table and he walked over to her and reached for her hand. He took note of cold that it was and he wrapped his other hand around it, like a parent warming their child's hands from the cold.

He looked down at her and he felt his heart breaking. "Hey kid...I don't know what to say to you, except I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. If I hadn't given you and Jay the orders to go ahead, you wouldn't be here. If you'd just taken the offer and went to New York...you wouldn't be here. I don't know why things work out like they do, I don't know how I an lose Camille, Justin and now you. I don't know what's going to happen with Halstead. God, there's so much I don't know...but what I do know? The one thing I do know...you made my life worth it, kid. You are my family and you were all I had left. I hope you never doubted my love for you, because at the end of the day, I only wanted what was best for you, Erin. And for whatever reason, you thought what was best for you was Jay. And I wish I could protect him from this. I wish I could protect everyone from this. But I can't. I'll watch out for him for you, Erin. I'll make sure he's OK. You have my word on that. I love you so much, Erin and I'm so proud of you. It's like I always told you, I'll ride with you until the wheels fall off. I'll see you soon, kid"

Hank bent his head down and and placed a kiss on top of Erin's hairline as the reality of finally losing her set in and sobs finally set free.

 **00000000000000000**

Will walked up onto the roof of Chicago Med and saw his brother standing there in the darkness. The storm had finally left the city and had paved way for a night filled with the most beautiful night sky that Will had seen in a long time.

Will made his way over to Jay and took a seat next to him.

The two set in silence and Will looked over at Jay and saw him holding the box with their mother's ring in it. He watched as Jay stared down at the box and watched as his brother opened it.

"I never even got the chance to ask her" Jay said.

Will watched as Jay took his mother's ring out of the box and held it between his fingers.

"I'm sorry, Jay...I'm truthfully so very, very sorry" Will offered.

"I screwed everything up. And now I'll never get the chance to make it right. She's never going to know how much I loved her. How much I wanted her. Why did I mess it up so bad, man?" Jay asked.

"You didn't mess anything up, Jay. Erin knew how much you loved her and she knew that you two would work it out. She told me" Will said.

"She what?" Jay asked as he looked over at Will.

"I was in Molly's one night after you moved back in with me and she was there. I walked over to her and asked her how she was doing. Said she was doing ok, but she looked about the same as you. Broken and waiting for the other half to put her back together...anyways, we talked for awhile and she said she wasn't mad at you. That she was never mad at you. That she just wished you'd told her. She said she couldn't expect you to let her in, when she didn't let you all the way in. But she hoped that you two would find your back to each other when things had settled down. Because she knew that you were the one constant in her life. The one thing that she could depend on" Will explained.

"And look where that got her. I got her killed" Jay said.

Will shook his head "No man, you didn't. You saved her. From everything. From the stuff with her mom, from her friend Nadia dying...you were the one there when nobody else was. And the same holds true with today. She needed you to be there. To hold her hand and tell her that everything was going to be OK. And that's what you did Jay. You stayed with her and in those final moments? She wasn't scared, or alone...she was loved and I know she knew how much you loved her. She loved you, too, Jay. And you have to carry that with you. You're a hell of a man. A better man than I'll ever be"

"I don't know how I'm going to do it without her Will..." Jay's voice trailed off as it cracked and he wiped a tear that slid down his cheek.

"It's ok, Jay" Will said.

The sound of Jay's quiet sobs filled the night air and Will reached over and placed a hand on his brother's back as he watched him begin to grieve for his loss.

 **00000000000000000**

Her funeral was the following Wednesday. The sanctuary of City Church Chicago was filled to capacity with people who had come to pay their respects.

Kim's leg shook as as she sat in her seat and waited for her turn to speak. She felt Adam's hand reach over and grasp her's and she intertwined their fingers and he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

Her tear filled eyes rose to meet Adam's own red eyes and he leaned forward and placed a kiss on top of her head.

With a shaky breath, Kim stood up and made her way up the stairs to the stage and she fought back tears as she looked at the closed wooden casket draped in flowers that contained the body of her best friend.

Kim took another breath and made her way over to the podium to the microphone and began to speak.

"So often when asked speak on behalf of the family, it has fallen to one of my fellow coworkers but today, I, Kim Burgess, better known as, Burgess, to my coworkers and friends. I have the honor and privilege to pay tribute to a very special, and irreplaceable person in our lives - my friend...our friend...Erin Lindsay

I struggled with what to say. I didn't know where to start. There were so many beautiful things that I wanted to say about Erin. But how could I conceivably communicate what a wonderful person Erin was?

How could I explain the kindness in her heart, the contagiousness of her joy, or the depth of her love? It's just that she was so remarkable. How could I ever be able to sum up her beautiful life in the short few moments I have with you here today? Then I realized I couldn't. But it was my duty to tell you how much she meant to the 21st family.

Erin was not only beautiful on the outside, she was a beautiful soul. She saw the beauty in others. Erin took her time, forming her own thoughts and opinions about the people and things around her.

For every memory that I share here, there are hundreds that will come flooding back every time we will think of Erin.

I know there is something that she found to love in every one of us.

She was always bright, colorful, creative, vibrant and full of life. She brought both sass and class to everyone who knew her.

She was outspoken; never bullied or cowed. Always a truth-teller, she was kind with her words, never with meanness or malice and always generous with her grace. Merciful in everything because she was always true to herself.

I struggled in adjusting when I moved up to Intelligence and Erin was such a good listener, without judging. She let me know she was my support in my ramblings and anxiety and when things got a little tough, we went for pedicures, or drinks, we laughed and often we just hugged.

She told me "What one man can do, a woman can do". Encouraging me to keep going. It's little things I'm going to miss the most. Like how she bought me a toothbrush when I left mine at an ex-boyfriend's house. Or encouraging me to not give up on love. Because she made it look so easy with the man she loved. And, God, how she loved Jay Halstead. You could see it all over her face everytime she looked at him. She just lit up when he'd walk in the room. And he loved her just the same.

It's what I want in my life, love like that. And to know that love is stronger than anything, even death? What a gift.

I realize I sound like I'm making this speech about me and Erin, but that's not the case.

How did she love us? She accepted us for what we were, flaws and all. She included us in her life with her presence, her love and encouragement. She empathized with our struggles and she let us empathize with hers. She forgave us of our mistakes and trusted that we'd forgive hers. She wanted us to be a family because she struggled for so long to have one of her own. And I hope that she knew she had that.

Words cannot describe how much she will be missed. I feel like we still had so much left to teach one another, to give one another, to share with one another.

We must remind ourselves that when we look for her, we can look to the stars at night and we can look into the eyes and hearts of everyone here and find a little piece of her. She will live on forever."

 **00000000000000000**

He walked into the cemetery, one lone flower in his hand. He walked up and stood in front of the tombstone, her tombstone. He couldn't believe his hands were shaking as he placed the flower, a rose, on her name. Looking around nervously, he was relieved not to see anyone near where he was standing. This meant he could freely talk out loud, he had to talk out loud.

"Erin," he began, his voice cracking on the name. He hadn't been able to say her name since that day. That awful day when she was literally blown away, something that should never have happened. One moment when she left this world right in his arms and was gone forever.

"Erin," he repeated more firmly, "I know. I should have come before. It's been over a month. I...I know you are disappointed. Well, probably in a lot of things since...that day."

He felt like he was sweating though it was a sunless day. A perfect day to do this, "I guess you know I didn't go to the funeral. I just couldn't do it, Erin. I know that was stupid and thoughtless on my part. But I just couldn't say goodbye. I wasn't ready, and I don't know if I'll ever be ready"

He knelt down, feeling like he was lacking the strength to stand. Once he was down, he realized he was actually moving closer to her, and it reminded him of when she leaned closer to him on her new couch...all those months ago.

It seemed like ages, when it was his turn to be close to death. He remembered the fear in her eyes and that memory created a small dose of comfort...it was good to know she did care.

"Do you remember when you came to rescue me when I was kidnapped? I don't think I ever really thanked you for that, Erin. I really thought I was going to die when I was in there. But then you showed up, I remember looking into your eyes and thinking "You saved me" and I'm just so sorry that I never got the chance to save you back. It's starting to get harder to remember you. What your voice sounded like, what your perfume smelled like. The way your eyes would crinkle when you'd smile at something stupid I said. God, I'd give anything to be able to see those eyes light up again. I'm sorry I wasn't that I ran from you when I needed your love the most, Er. But...I promise I'm going to make you so proud of me. If you see my mom, tell her hi. Watch over me...and wait for me. Until I see you again, I love you"

 **The End**

Please Review


End file.
